Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Friday, November 6, 2009

Hi guys.

Sorry for not blogging much. Been busy preparing for my A level Project Work Oral presentation which is this monday. I've also been busy with my Vietnam trip, and tomorrow i'm gonna go to Bukit Timah Hill for another round of hiking. This time, with a 7kg pack instead of a 5kg pack fom last time.

The JC pace has slowed down since my Promo's ended. I used to be rushing for my project work for the past couple of weeks but now all i need to do is talk infront of a few teachers, stay back as audience till afternoon and that's it. (:

Life seems to go a little slower, and now i've got more time for my Red Cross stuff and also my Buddhist Fellowship Youth events too. I'm gonna be in charge for next year's BF Youth Valentine's day celebration! So i'm gonna need to settle the music performances first! I'm going to perform too. So the song playing now? yeah... that's what i'm thinking of singing. Brings back memories. :/

I'm in a mini-crisis now. No i'm not emoing... its just something that's bothering me for the past few days. For the past few days i've realised that since i stopped studying, i can't find anything i can hope, protect and fight for.

The feeling's so strange, yet familiar. Like there's some kind of missing link inside me. And the fact that its been raining for the past few days, it just makes everything all moodier.

Feels like walking in the rain...

"Walking in the rain" - By A1

Sitting by the window
Singing songs of love
Wishing you were here because the memory's not enough

Wear my mask in silence
Pretending i'm alright
If you could see then you would be here standing by myside

It may be hard to believe
but girl you're the only one i need
It may be hard along the way
Its this feeling i get when blue skies turn to grey

Feels like i'm walking in the rain
I find myself trying to wash away the pain
Cos i need you to give me some shelter
Cos i'm fading away
And baby, i'm walking in the rain

Every single hour
of every single day
I need to cry my eyes so dry, i cry my tears away

Can't help but remember
How you made me feel
You dressed my soul and made me whole
You made my life complete

It may be hard to believe
but girl you're the only one i need
it may be hard along the way
its this feeling i get when blue skies turn to grey

Feels like i'm walking in the rain
I find myself trying to wash away the pain
Cos i need you to give me some shelter
Cos i'm fading away
And baby, i'm walking in the rain

Of all we've said and done,
remains the memories of day when life was fun
And now that you are gone,
i sit alone to watch the setting of the sun

Feels like i'm walking in the rain
i find myself trying to wash away the pain
cos i need you to give me some shelter
cos i'm fading away
and baby i'm walking in the rain

I said baby... i'm walking in the rain...

Thursday, October 29, 2009

What a difference a day makes...

Today was JC1 commendation day. Officially the last day of school for everyone and a period of transistion from students in J1 going to J2. But it actually isn't really the last day. We still have to come back to school periodically for PW and next monday is my A level chinese exam.

There's just something out of place: I'm not going to J2.

like everyone whom i have told and those who have seen my blog, you guys should know by now that i'm gonna retain first and drop out later if necessary.

Sometimes i'm not sure if i should be feeling sucky or happy for not being able to promote. Today i was aware of all this, but i felt somewhat indifferent about everything. Damn... feels like commendation day to me is a day to congratulate myself for retaining and still giving me a chance to go poly. :/

Let me just sum up briefly my year long stint here in SRJC. I used to think that the people in JC are guys and gals who are study kings/queens. Now i know that they're actually just like you and me. Its just the system that requires and forces them to do so.

The people i've met so far, they've been the greatest bunch of JC lads i've met in my life. My whole perception of JC students have changed. SRJC isn't bad, it has a great student body and culture. Even the principal is great! He's charismatic, objective and damn knows how to do cartwheels.

I've learnt that life isn't as enjoyable as it can be. I still have to study the best as i can, even in poly. If i want to get my parents blessings, i have to show them i can study hard regardless of being in JC or poly.

Frankly, i've hoped that i can get a girl in JC. However time constraints just force me to NOT do that. For the year, i've learnt to recognise crushes and infatuations. And seriously, in the end i just find that i'd prefer to just be friends. It sucks... but i just gotta live with it. Probably i'm just a friendly, down the street, medic next door that everyone can be friends with. Nothing more.

When you're in JC, time flies too even if you're suffering and not having fun. Cos its always a rush rush rush lifestyle here in SRJC. Holidays are turned into study breaks and there doesn't seem to be any time to enjoy yourself in little pleasures. hell... i can't even do a 10 minute meditation after i wake up or before i sleep. >.<

I've always been attending BFYouth for as many sundays as i can. The group system is actually working and its more fun to be there now (: love my groupmates and i'll be joining them for the BFY december camp from 3 to 6 december before flying off to vietnam the next day.

My overseas trip group people (also from SRJC) they are the best mates i can ever meet. We're the most bonded, enthu and noisiest group out of the rest. probably because we never knew each other from the start and there were no cliques to stop us from communicating openly. I love my group (:

Well that's it for now. If i have more reflections i'll write them next post.

"What a difference a day made" - By Jamie Cullum

What a difference a day made
twenty four little hours
bought the sun and the flowers
where there used to be rain

my yesterday was blue, dear
today i'm a part of you, dear
My lonely night are through, dear
sinc you said you were mine

Oh, what a difference a day made
there's a rainbow before me
skies above can't be stormy
since that moment of bliss
that thrilling kiss

Its heaven when you find romance on you menu
What a difference a day made
and that difference is you...

The inconvenient truth...

Today my parents came to school and talked to my Form teacher, co-form teacher and school counsellor. Talk about 6 party talks... :/

We finally reached a conclusion and a deal: I retain and take J1 for the next few months next year. See how my perfromance goes, and after my poly application has been confirmed, then think about it one last time before dropping out.

This way, i have more time to think over things and see if there's any inkling of hope that i'll stay in SRJC rather than leave the place.

I fought hard for myself so i can go to poly. In the end, this is the farthest i can reach. Its only a matter of time before i make my final decision...

Damn.... its really not easy to be me...

"Superman" - By Five for Fighting

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
I’m just out to find
The better part of me

I’m more than a bird…
I’m more than a plane
I'm more than some pretty face beside a train
It’s not easy to be me.

I wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd…
but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed

I may be disturbed…
but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
And it’s not easy to be me.

Up, up and away…
away from me
Well it’s all right…
You can all sleep sound tonight
I’m not crazy…or anything…

I can’t stand to fly
I’m not that naive
Men weren’t meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I’m only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me
inside of me ......
inside of me ...
yeah inside of me...
inside of me

I’m only a man in a funny red sheet
I’m only a man looking for a dream
I’m only a man in a funny red sheet
It’s not easy...
It’s not easy to be... me...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

just gonna post something short...

I find that even after promo's are over, the apce doesn't change. Yet i seem to be staying in school for just 2 stupid subjects which might not even affect me in any way. The only reason why i'm staying through this shit is because if my conscience.

I can't possibly leave my PW mates to be fated to get a fail grade cos i left. And i already paid for my vietnam trip, so if i pull out, i won't get a refund :/

The only way i can close this chapter of my JC life is doing well for PW for the benefit of everyone but myself. Guess it'll be the only thing that i can achieve before leaving. Truthfully, SRJC has a great student body, student culture and charismatic principal. Its just the system that sucks. :/

"Realize" - By Colbie Caillat

Take time to realize
That your warmth is crashing down on in
Take time to realize that I am on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you
No, it's never gonna be that simple
No, I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other and we'll never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now

Take time to realize, oh, oh, I'm on your side
Didn't I, didn't I tell you
Take time to realize, this all can pass you by
Didn't I tell you

But I can't spell it out for you
No, it's never gonna be that simple
No, I can't spell it out for you

If you just realize what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other and we'll never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other

But, it's not all the same, no, it's never the same
If you don't feel it to, if you meet me half way
If you would meet me half way
It could be the same for you

If you just realize what I just realized
Then we'd be perfect for each other and we'll never find another
Just realize what I just realized
We'd never have to wonder

Just realize what I just realized
If you just realize what I just realized
Ooh, ooh
Missed out on each other now
Missed out on each other now, yeah
Realize, realize, realize, realize, oh